As we approach the kaddish, I want to remember David Marell, who passed away this summer. David and his wife Patricia Mitchell helped found the Woodstock Jewish Congregation. Their daughters Gabrielle and Emily became Bat Mitzvah at the WJC. Patricia served as president. David chaired the committee that composed our “Vision Statement,” our guiding vision for our work. I both liked and loved David very much, as did many people. David was unusual in his commitment to being in the moment. For David the greatest accomplishment was not some particular goal or achievement. David did not play the usual game of success. For David, success was measured by moments of joy, connection and love. After battling with leukemia the past 18 months, and enduring with grace and toughness an enormous amount of pain and suffering, David ran out of options this summer and decided to stop fighting and to surrender himself to dying. As he had lived, so David died, present to the glory and absurdity of our lives, with perspective and a sense of humor, waiting and ready for whatever might come next.
I spent a good amount of time with David and Patricia and their family and friends as David, under the care of hospice, awaited his end. Fortunately he was mostly not in pain, even as he weakened daily. So what do you do while in this liminal time? There is nothing in particular to do – other than love each other, tell stories, feel the breeze through the bedroom window, eat a piece of watermelon, cry some, and then laugh some, hug and kiss and hold hands. So odd, that being with someone as they die could be so alive and rich and sweet and simultaneously so poignant and sad. I guess you could say that the rest of life is like that too. A birth or a death simply brings it into sharper focus.
David and Patricia’s older daughter Gabrielle lives in California, and she couldn’t fly in because she was due any day to give birth to her second child. This was also difficult and wondrous at the same time, difficult because she was so far away from her beloved dad, but wondrous because the mystery of birth and death were now completely entwined. Where do we come from, and where are we going? How unlikely and inexplicable is this interim between our arrival and departure! As David lingered for many days, we wondered if David was waiting for the new baby to arrive before he himself departed. But that was not the plan. David passed, and not long after Noah David Gerzoff arrived, named for his grandfather who had just departed. Noah David is grandson number 3. And there will be a 4th grandchild, and this time finally a girl, because David and Patricia’s younger daughter Emily is now expecting her second child. And the torch is passed, generation to generation, none of us here for that long, really, and so the question always presents itself: in the time we are given, how are we to live?
Fortunately for us, David Marell wrote down some instructions. He really did – David wrote a wonderful little book called Be Generous: 101 Meditations & Suggestions to Get You Through the Day and Night. Now, whenever someone we were close to dies, we can still converse with them, seek their guidance, and hear their familiar voice answering us within. But how fortunate that David left us an artifact, words that he carefully refined, that embody his wisdom. So in David’s blessed memory, I want to share just a few of his meditations to guide us into living well this New Year. To prepare us, I will share David’s own introduction to his collection:
“My spiritual life began in the garden, in the woods, looking at the stars, swimming in the ocean, sitting in quiet places. I could see that every living thing was here to survive and reproduce and that there was joy, comfort, and love inherent in this process. I could feel these feelings in myself. I found this comforting.
“My spiritual practice is not difficult. It is not an obligation. It is not rote ritual. It is not a sacrifice. It is an openness to beauty and power; a practice of what feels good, what feels right.
“When I sit quietly and look inside for guidance, I can hear, through all the static and conflicting voices, an undeniable truth. It tells me that we all want the same things. It tells me to practice compassion, forgiveness, patience – to walk with an open heart.
“I believe we are here on earth to learn – to experience the lives we are living, to be with the people around us. Our most difficult lessons are those that give us the most pain, make us the saddest, the maddest. Learning takes practice. I try to recognize the opportunities, I try to breathe, smile, and say, “Thank you for teaching me humility. Thank you for the opportunity to confront my fears. Thank you for the opportunity to practice patience. Thank you for teaching me to surrender. Thank you; I needed that.”
“When I can stop, breathe, and finally realize what I need to learn, I smile at how obvious the teachings are, how much I need to practice. I am in awe of all the forces that have come together to teach me this lesson.
“The meditations in this book help me in difficult times. They are my truths. They let me laugh at myself. They are not a path to enlightenment. They are not a preparation for rebirth. I don’t count on these outcomes; it is the process that is important to me.
“Some of my meditations will ring true to you. They will find their appropriate place in your day. Listen for the subtle voice. Don’t let it slip by without notice. Be sensitive to your own meditations; write them down; practice them.”
The title meditation:
Be Generous
Here, have some
Here, have some
Here, have some
Here, have some
Here, have some
Here, have some
Here, have some more
Little Bird
Little bird
Sweet little bird
We share the world
We share the world
Rebirth
I had it made
Then everything blew up
Breathe
Breathe
I had it made
Then everything blew up
Breathe
Breathe
I Am Responsible for Myself
There is no excuse
There is only forward
There is something to learn from this
I am here to learn from this
I am here to learn from this
Breathe
Breathe
Breathe
Talking to the Phone Company
It does no good to hate the phone company
It does no good to hate the phone company
It does no good to hate the phone company
It does no good to hate the phone company
It does no good to hate the phone company
Deep Breath
Deep Breath
Rest
Never mind
Have a nice day
Black Bug
Look at the little black bug
The yellow markings
Meeting at the center of the wings
Forming rows of Vs
The tiny lines of red dots
The pattern of black hair on its needle legs
The sun reflecting in its eye
Impermanence
Many of my favorite things are fragile
If I use them, eventually they will break
If I don’t use them, what good are they?
Forbearance
You are always so cold
You are always so hard
You are always so hostile
Breathe
This cannot be easy for you
Breathe
This cannot be easy for you
Can I get you something?
I Will Die
I am here now
I may not be here long
This is my chance to do what I am here to do
It is my chance to love
It is my chance to learn
I have this in common with everyone
Advanced Physics
Time is forever
Breathe
Space is infinite
Breathe
There is no place like home
Breathe
Breathe
Breathe
David’s memory is a blessing.